I want to blame it on having a Pisces sun and mercury. It’s so much easier to point the finger at something outside of myself because it relieves me of taking personal responsibility.
I sometimes wonder if all the woo-woo shit is designed to scapegoat and disassociate. If I can credit astrology for being unproductive, inconsistent, and non-confrontational, then those attributes aren’t my responsibility to address.
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If I can look to human design, the Enneagram, Brujeria, and whatever is poppin’ on social media, then I can reassure myself that “what is for me won’t pass me” or that “I am where I am always meant to be.”
How much spiritual talk is doing more harm than good?
“You attract what you want.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Step into your feminine energy.”
While I don’t disagree with a lot of it, I often wonder how much of it masks accountability and forces individuals to take ownership of challenges that are out of their control.
Am I really an empath, or do I have shitty boundaries?
Am I manifesting abundance, or have I learned to exploit and hoard?
Am I on a spiritual path, or have I become complacent in mediocrity and refuse to call myself out on it?
I feel like my mind is those clacker toys I remember playing with as a kid. It was the 80s so those toys doubled as weapons. I’m surprised I didn’t walk away with more physical scars from that era…because the invisible bruises still linger to this day.
Those clacker toys go back and forth, much like my views on spiritualism in a capitalist world. Can both coexist with ease? I used to think conscious capitalism was a legit thing. Still, the more I realize how rotten capitalism is, the more I understand there is no clear ethical way to justify the commodification of spirituality, wellness, or healing.
I play the game and participate to the best I can, but I’m “built” to be an entrepreneur, or so I’ve convinced myself to believe. I try to be a thoughtful rebel and use my powers for good, but I don’t know.
It’s why I feel like navigating the nuance of spirituality within the context of capitalism is not only challenging but constantly in flux.
Some days I’m all in on “what is not for you will not pass you,” and then some days, I’m like, “it’s not happening because I’m not sacrificing enough.”
So I guess that means my spiritual maturation depends on how much I want to exploit my own awakening.